


A Whine With Some Wine

by Tish



Category: Black Books
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-24
Updated: 2014-10-24
Packaged: 2018-02-22 10:56:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2505290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tish/pseuds/Tish
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's bad enough when Bernard runs out of wine, it's even worse when your two friends are the only spirits in the place.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Whine With Some Wine

**Author's Note:**

  * For [thatspants](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatspants/gifts).



Bernard watched the last drops fall into the glass. Three lonely, little blood red drops. "Manny! More wine!" A Pause. "MANNY!"

Manny floated over. "I can't."

"What? What? What? Why not?" Bernard muttered, trying to fish a squashed-up cigarette from a scrunched-up packet.

"I'm a ghost," Manny replied, waving his spectral arms for emphasis. "Oooooo! Ooooooo!"

 

Bernard finally looked up. "Oh for- Anything to bunk off work with you, isn't it?" He turned and scowled as a customer approached. "You. Do me a favour and go up the off-licence. Get another one of these." He plonked a tattered fiver on the table next to the bottle.

"I'm fourteen, I can't buy you booze," the girl replied. "You sound like you've had enough, anyway, talking to yourself and all."

"I'm not talking to myself, child. I'm talking to the Ghost of Christmas Future here!" Bernard snatched the money back and waved a finger at Manny.

The girl rolled her eyes and pushed a two pound coin across the table, then stuck her books in her bag. 

 

As the girl left, Fran wafted in and slumped into a chair. “Oh, what a day! Got any wine?"

Bernard upturned the bottle. “Nope. And you can't have any, either.”

Fran let out a groan. “What? Oh, no, I've had a hard day. I need a nice drinkie.”

Bernard merely looked at her and poked a finger through her ghostly form.

“Oh no, I keep forgetting I'm a ghost,” Fran moaned. “This isn't fair.”

Manny scuttled in from the kitchen. “Never fear, I've been checking the Ghost Guidebook. We can interact more with the world when we reach Level 301! We can get drinkies!”

“Ohhh, yes, let's go. What do we need to do? What level are we at?” Fran had found a new enthusiasm and clutched at Manny's sleeve.

“Ah. We're on Level 17.” Manny ruffled through the pages. “Still a bit of a way to go.”

 

Meanwhile, Bernard had stopped listening to Bogle and the Banshee, and found himself tracking the movements of a customer. The man had placed a bottle of wine on a shelf and was intently reading a dusty tome. Swift as a leopard, Bernard swapped the empty for the full bottle and slipped back to his chair.

The man wandered away, before dodging back to grab the bottle, distracted by someone waving from outside. He left a pile of books on the main table and trotted out the shop.

 

Bernard opened the bottle with a satisfied sigh, then raised his glass to Fran. She groaned and buried her face in her hands.

Manny sat in the other chair. “Maybe we can drink from a straw? That's only a little thing. I'm sure it'd work.”

“Nope,” muttered Bernard through cigarette smoke.

Fran whined, “Please, Bernard. Get us straws?”

Bernard shook his head. “No, you have to go to Ghost School and learn all the ghostly ways before you get drinks.”

“Ohhh, there's got to be cheat codes in that book, Manny?” Fran asked.

Manny flipped through the pages, then scanned the index. “No, not unless there's invisible code?” He held a page up to the light, to no avail.

 

Fran suddenly sat up. “Let's go to the pictures! Free admission, and we can dunk for popcorn!”

“Splendid idea!” Manny got up. “There's a new one about ghosts, we can haunt the audience!”

“No, I forbid it!” Bernard slammed a fist on the table. “No having fun without me!”

 

Fran laughed. “Awww, is someone jealous? Wooooooo-ooooh-woooooooh!”

“Stop that at once,” Bernard shouted. “No, not you!” he waved a dismissive hand at a customer who quickly backed out the door.

Manny and Fran floated out the door and down the street, leaving Bernard to stew in his wine. “Fine. I'll just stay here, then. Drinking all the wine. Good.”


End file.
